If This Then Outtakes
by Bled Dry
Summary: Outtakes from If This Then. Mostly EPOVs of various events.
1. Chapter 1

**I think there are a few people looking to see Jake get a punch. This is for you. Props to May P Tucker for bringing back the phrase "douche canoe."**

 **Thanks to Sri and Nic for reading, and encouraging, this outtake. Love to Iris for her staying late to turn this into something readable.**

This takes place during the epilogue for _If_. It's when Edward follows Bella out of the bar and sits with her while she cries.

* * *

I'm not sure what I was looking for when I chased after her. Maybe it was a little bit of Karma for the time she sat and watched me cry. But that's not really the same thing. I was crying over her, and she's here crying over some other fucking guy.

So it's not the same thing at all. I don't know what she expected by coming here today. According to Jake, things ended a few weeks ago. I don't know why she's chasing him here when he's dating our fucking lead singer.

And for the record, I don't support that at fucking all. First of all, they're going to break up. What's going to happen to the band then? Second of all, couldn't he have given his dick a rest after Bella?

I'm mad, but I don't even know at whom. Myself for giving a fuck? Jake? Bella?

I don't know what to say to her, because everything out of my mouth is going to be a dick move, and I don't think that's what Bella needs right now.

I get up and leave her alone.

Maybe this is a dick move, too.

Oh, great. Here's Alice to let me know, I'm sure.

"Edward!" She yells at me over the band that's just started. Man, I hope we don't suck as much as these guys. "Did you see Bella out there?"

I just nod and walk away, but she grabs my arm.

"You're friend Jake's a fucking cheating douchecanoe!"

Like I don't fucking know that.

Wait.

"Cheating?"

"Yeah. How long's he been with Bimbo McSings? Because he and Bella only finally ended things, like, two weeks ago. Not even."

"Didn't they break up a month ago?" I remembered their fight in the cafeteria—the last one, anyway.

Over Jane.

At the time, I thought it was a good thing Jane went to a different school, because Bella was being pretty unreasonable about Jake going to band practice so much. I like Jane. She's a good friend, so I'm pretty happy she didn't hear the things Bella and her friends were saying about her.

"Yeah, and then a week later, Jake called her crying! 'Oh, Bella. I'm so lost without you. Please take me back. I'm begging you.'"

Her Jake impression's not favorable.

But if she's telling the truth, it's an impression he deserves.

"Are you sure?" We're still yelling over the shitty band.

"Of course I'm fucking sure."

And now I'm really fucking mad. I'm fucking livid.

And I know at whom.

I can't believe it took me this long to figure out Jake's a liar. Sure, I've seen him cheat before, but for some reason, this seems worse.

With each step I take, I think about all the ways he made me doubt Bella. Why did I let him do that?

I find him in our practice room above the bar, with Jane sitting on his lap.

"Hey, Jane. How long have you and Jake really been together?"

Jake bristles but doesn't have enough time to do or say anything before Jane answers. "Five weeks tonight."

Five weeks? Five weeks?!

That means he was with Jane before he ended things with Bella the first time around.

"After all that, after everything you did to get her, you cheated on Bella?"

Jake looks at Jane apologetically and then shifts her off his lap so he can stand and face me.

"Things were over. It was barely cheating."

"Shut up." I shake my head. I can barely believe this. I thought Bella was being a bitch, but she was totally right to be suspicious.

"She's not as innocent as you fucking think she is."

"Shut up!"

"Seriously. Ask her about going to the movies with that guy she worked with."

"Shut the fuck up, man!" I can't stop shaking my head. Nothing he's saying about Bella is true… is it? I feel my hands curl into fists.

"You're just pissed, because when she tried to make me jealous, she didn't call you."

"I said shut the fuck up, man, or I'll do it my-fucking-self." I've never punched a dude in my life. I need to get out of this room before I do something I'm going to regret.

"Seriously. I saved you big time. You don't know what a fucking cunt she could be."

And that's it. Before I can even stop myself, my closed fist makes contact with Jake's face.

It fucking hurts.

"What the fuck, man?" Jake's standing before me in shock, cradling his jaw.

"I thought you said you dumped her." Now Jane's standing between us, but it's not to break up our fight. She looks ready to start her own.

"I was going to. How does it even matter now? We're done." Jake reaches out for Jane. He's going to turn on the charm. I hope Jane doesn't fall for it.

"Oh, we're done all right." Jane storms out past me. "Come on, Edward."

Jane grabs my arm and tries to pull me with her, but I'm not done with Jake.

Jane senses this and pulls harder on my arm. "Come on. He's not worth it."

"Go on, Eddy. Always chasing after my sloppy seconds." With Jake's departing words, I turn around to leave with Jane. Fuck him. He's not worth hurting my hand again.

"Yeah. That's right! Get out of here! Maybe you want to try Bella again now that I've broken her in for you. She was a lot easier than I thought."

Nope. _That's_ it.

I'm on Jake before he knows it. This time I don't stop after the first blow lands. I don't stop until I'm roughly pulled up off him by the rest of the band. I didn't even notice them when I walked into the room.

This time, Jake managed to get a few jabs of his own in. My nose is bleeding, but so is Jake's. I'm feeling a little banged up right now, but Jake looks a lot worse than I feel.

My only regret is that I didn't do it in front of Bella.


	2. Chapter 2

**EPOV of Chapter 1. Originally submitted as part of the Fandom for Mental Health package.**

 **As always, love and thanks to my team. Sri and Nic read this first, Iris made it readable.**

* * *

It wasn't easy to get her number. She's not listed in the phone book, and I had to be careful who I asked. Jake probably had it—he's got _everyone's_ number—but there was no fucking way I was asking him. I'm sure he'd bring it up around Tanya, and I don't need that.

I don't need Tanya, either, but that's a different story. Somehow, it seems so hard to break up with her. I don't want her to be sad, or, even worse, mad, but I don't really want to be with her anymore.

I shouldn't be thinking about Tan while I'm trying to muster up the courage to call Bella. I've been watching her for a while. I don't even know if she knew I existed until recently. I managed to sit beside her in the caf while everyone was playing that stupid knee game. Jess is always doing it to me. I think she's hoping I reciprocate, but there's no fucking way. She scares me.

But when I did it to Bella, she just got this look. I didn't get it until she did it to me. I think I know what that look was. I'm pretty sure that's the day she noticed me.

I'd been holding onto her number for two weeks already.

I've dialed her number four times. I hung up every time before I even finished dialing. I don't know what I'm so worried about. I know she's got her own line. Fifth time's a charm, right?

It rings four times. Do I leave a message? What do I say? Oh, fuck. I should've planned this better. I go to hang up the phone when I hear a quiet voice.

"Hello?"

I pause with the phone halfway between my ear and the receiver.

"Hello?"

Oh, God. I'm such a fucking loser. Do I just hang up now? What do I say?

"Hey… Is Bella there?"

"This is Bella."

 _Fuck_. _Of course it is. She has her own number._

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Hey." Please let her say something else. I don't know why I can't stop saying 'hey _._ '

"Sorry about that. I was trying to turn down my CD player and I dropped the phone..."

Music. Okay. Great. I can talk about that. "What were you listening to?"

" _Gish_. My aunt's visiting from college, and she got it for me."

"Cool." She doesn't say anything. Fuck. Does she just want to hang up on me? I need to say something. "I love that album. What song were you on?"

"Ummm... 'Crush'?"

'Crush'? Yeah, I know that. Fuck do I know that. I have an idea. "That's my favorite. Hold on?"

"Okay."

I try to get to my CD collection, but I can't quite reach. "I'm going to put the phone down for a second. I'm not hanging up. Wait there, okay?"

"Okay."

I put the phone down and grab my _Gish_ CD. I switch my _Pretty Hate Machine_ out. Man, I'd love a six-CD player, though not as much as the Strat I'm saving for. "Hey."

 _Oh, God. Not this again_.

"Hey."

"Okay. Go back to the beginning of the track and pause it, okay?"

"Okay."

"Press play on the count of three. One, two, three." I press play, and I can hear she has, too. "We'll listen to it together."

"Okay."

We don't speak as we listen to the last half of the album together. This phone call has gone pretty well considering we haven't said much more than 'hey' and 'okay _.'_ I don't want to jinx it, so I let her go before I say something stupid and fuck everything up. I've had her number for a month.

I've come close to calling a few times, but I couldn't come up with a reason. But there's a built-in reason today. I can just wish her a Merry Christmas, right?


	3. Chapter 3

**EPOV of Chapter 2. Originally submitted for the Fandom for Mental Health package.**

 **Thanks to my beautiful team. My prereaders Nic and Sri and my beta Iris. Love you girls.**

* * *

I know I should end things with Tan before I start things with Bella, but… Just because we talked on the phone that one time I don't… I mean, I don't know if she's into me. I've never known her to have a boyfriend, but she's so fucking cool. She isn't going to look at a loser like me. She's probably into college guys.

I may be acting like a creep. I can't not sit close to her. When she's standing, I'm beside her. Even when she steps away, I take another step to be near her. And that's when Alice whisks her away.

Tan wanted to go home early. I should probably be pissed, but I'm happy because it means I get to see Bella at Alice's tonight. I thought Jake would be mad, too, but he seemed just as happy to call things a night. So now I'm here, wondering where Alice has taken Bella off to.

Tyler passes me his cherry brandy, and I take a swig, quickly following it with another. Garrett's right; it tastes like fucking cough syrup, but I think I may need a little courage. Bella's not really showing any interest in me. Maybe I need to make something resembling a move on her.

Ha! As If I know anything that would resemble a move.

The brandy makes its way around again. I take a bigger swig this time. It burns, but it's going down a little easier. It's helping me formulate a plan. I'm just going to go all in.

I'm going to kiss her at midnight.

It's bold, but at least I'll know.

It makes me a huge asshole, but I'll deal with Tan tomorrow. I'm not entirely buying her excuses lately. I think she's moving on, too.

I start moving in the direction Alice dragged Bella off to. Unfortunately, Jake and Garrett follow. I'm not sure how I'm going to pull this off with them around, but I've got a while to figure it out. At least they're behind me, because when I finally find Bella, she's in the living room, curled up on the corner of the couch, watching _Encino Man_. I make my way to sit down beside her.

I notice there's another couple in the corner. Holy fuck! High five to you, Ben. He's been secretly in love with Angela for forever. Seeing them together gives me courage. I put my arm over the back of the couch. It's not around her, but it's close.

I can't focus on the movie. Slowly, I inch closer to Bella. My arm's steadily moving from the back of the couch to her shoulders. I'm relaxing, little by little, against her side.

I think she's also leaning into me. Is she just relaxing, or is she maybe feeling something, too? Tyler runs by yelling something, but I'm focused on the room emptying out. Now's my chance.

"Stand up for a second." I stand and hold my hand out to her like I did in the basement. Once again, she takes it, and for a moment, I think I see something—like maybe she's hoping I'm going all in.

But I can't do it. I want to. I just want to press my lips to hers and then press her down on the couch, but I can't. I'm not that guy.

But I'm not a great guy, either. I sit down and then pull her on top of me. We settle in to watch the rest of the movie.

It doesn't last long.

"I've got to get home." Jake's at the door, and he's pissed. I'm not sure when he decided to become loyal to Tanya. I know for a fact he _is_ that guy. I've caught him and Heidi fooling around in the backroom at work.

I untangle—holy shit! _untangle_ —myself from Bella and go to the door. I don't say anything, but I make a face at her behind Jake's back so she knows how I feel about leaving.

We're halfway through the park on the way to my house when Jake finally breaks his brooding silence.

"So what are you doing with my woman?"

 _His woman?_ What the fuck? "Your woman?"

"Yeah, man. I'm totally into Bella. What the fuck are you doing with her?"

"You're into Bella?"

"Yeah. She's, like, the ultimate hunt. She's not into any guy. I'm totally going to change that."

Fuck. _Fuck_. The thought of Jake treating Bella like… like prey… does something to me. I want to punch his cocky fucking face. "You think you're going to land Bella?"

Jake laughs.

"Fuck, yeah. What do you care? You've got Tanya." He laughs, like that's somehow hilarious.

"And you've got Kate." I stop and wait for him to turn around and look at me. "And Heidi."

He laughs again and turns away. "For now. They're too easy, though. Bella? Now that would be fun."

I don't know if it's the cherry brandy or the look in her eye when I was going to kiss her, but something tells me she isn't Jake's as much as she's mine.

"I'm into her, too."

If Jake thought Tanya and I were hilarious, this is a motherfucking riot to him. He loses it.

"No way, man," he says when he finally gets it together. "I had no idea. Well, I guess neither one of us can ask her out, then. Guy code." He looks at me, shrugs before turning, and walks to his house on the other side of the park.

I'm suspicious. It's not like Jake to give up so easily. I turn and walk toward the path to my house.

"Ed!" Jake calls.

I turn around. I knew he couldn't be done.

"That doesn't mean she can't ask one of us out." Jake laughs, and the only thing that keeps me from tackling him is the feeling of warmth I still have despite the January night. I can still feel all the places, from my chest to my toes, where Bella was pressed against me.

I don't say anything but nod my head in silent agreement.

It's on, Jake. It's motherfucking on.


	4. Chapter 4

**EPOV of Chapter 13. Originally submitted for the Fandom for Mental Health package.**

 **Thanks to my beautiful team. My prereaders Nic and Sri and my beta Iris. Love you girls.**

* * *

Of course she's with him. Like it could've ended any other way. I don't think anyone sees me clear out of the basement. They're all so fucking focused on the new couple. I can't breathe. For the first time in my life, I'm going to pound the shit out of someone. I need to not be down here. I lost her, and it hurts.

It fucking hurts.

I can barely see the door in front of me through this blur, but I walk outside and sit on the steps. It's not really warm enough to be outside.

I lost her. I lost her.

I lost her. I lost her. I lost her. I lost her. I lost her. I lost her.

My head falls to my hands, and I surrender myself to the feeling. Really? How did I expect this to end? I couldn't just man up and tell her how I felt? I couldn't just dump Tanya, forget about Jake's stupid fucking rules, and ask her out? What happened? How did we go from holding hands in darkened basements and nearly kissing at the dance… to her with Jake? What am I missing?

I hear the door open behind me, but I don't care enough to even wipe the tears from my face.

And I regret it immediately when I figure out who's sitting beside me. There are only two people here who I don't want to see right now, and she's one of them.

I hate her right now.

Not really.

I hate myself.

This is my cowardly doing.

But how could she? Maybe Jake was right all along… Maybe she wasn't really that into me.

Fuck Jake.

Oh, God. What if she does fuck Jake?

What could she possibly be doing out here? What could she possibly say to me?

I hope she doesn't think there's something she could say right now that would fix things.

If she says sorry, if she tells me she's made a huge mistake… What? What do I do? We work it out, right?

But she doesn't. She just gets up and goes back into the house.

I'll call her tonight. I'll tell her how I feel. Fuck Jake. Fuck him. If I just tell her how I feel… I can fix this.


End file.
